[{"@context":"http:\/\/schema.org","@type":"Article","datePublished":"2021-10-14","articleBody":"Today, I\u2019m discussing relationships and finances. Note that when I use the word \u201crelationship\u201d here, I\u2019m referring to a romantic relationship between two consenting parties; it\u2019s beyond my pay grade to discuss the financial aspects of a polyamorous relationship.  If you\u2019ve ever been married or in a long-term relationship, you know that money is inevitably going to come up at some point. When you first get into a new relationship, money is probably the last thing on your mind, but ultimately, avoiding those conversations can lead to bigger problems down the line.  And while every couple has their own way of approaching money, it\u2019s always important to engage in open and honest two-directional communication concerning your finances. It\u2019s extremely difficult to reach an arrangement that works for both sides, so you should expect challenges and, in some cases, arguments.  Although there\u2019s a difference between these discussions and finding yourself in a financially unfair or one-sided relationship, the two can be difficult to tell apart. Today, therefore, I\u2019m going to discuss six red flags that may signify that you\u2019re in a financially toxic relationship.  1. Your partner applies for a credit card under your name. Unfortunately, identity theft between partners is more common than you might think. But if your partner opens a credit card under your name, you should take that as a massive red flag.  Not only is opening a credit card in someone else\u2019s name illegal, but it also puts you in a position where your partner is making financial decisions for you. Further, having someone else use your name for a credit card can put you in a very risky financial situation; if your partner uses that credit card, he or she will be spending money in your name, meaning you\u2019ll take on the debt and other financial risk. And if your partner maxes out that card or doesn\u2019t pay it off, your credit will be damaged, not your partner\u2019s.  Because this is a legal issue, you should take immediate action if your partner opens a credit card in your name. In addition to talking to your partner, you might want to consider freezing your credit. You also have the option of filing a police report, though the wisdom of such a decision depends on your specific circumstances since doing so may cause a significant strain in your relationship.  If you choose to stay in your relationship after your partner opens a credit card in your name, you\u2019ll need to work out a system that allows you to rebuild your trust while ensuring that such an occurrence never happens again.  2. You avoid money discussions. If you\u2019re like me, you probably don\u2019t want to talk to your partner about money all the time, which can be reasonable. However, if this goes so far that you feel you can\u2019t have any money conversations with your partner, you may be seeing signs that your financial situation as a couple isn\u2019t as healthy as it should be.  In my opinion, it\u2019s a clear red flag if you\u2019re ever at a point where you want to discuss money but decide against it because you want to avoid a fight; especially in a long-term relationship, it\u2019s crucial that both sides feel comfortable raising concerns or having financial conversations without causing a huge argument.  You should also take it as a warning sign if this takes the form of a sort of double standard, where one person, desiring more financial control, frequently raises the money issue but doesn\u2019t allow their partner to do the same. For example, your partner might repeatedly ask about your spendings but never answer questions you ask about his or her spending. Like I said previously, healthy financial arrangements are fair to both parties; if you notice something like this, it may be a sign that you\u2019re in a financially one-sided- and unhealthy- relationship.  3. Your partner sets your budget. Budgeting with your partner can be a great way to manage spending in your joint accounts or save money together. Like other aspects of your financial relationship, though, budgeting together requires open dialogue and treating each other fairly; you and your partner probably have some differences in your financial priorities, meaning you need to work together to reach a solution that benefits both of you.  On the other hand, if your conversations about budgeting are one direction and your partner dictates your spending or allowance without giving you a say, you may be in a financially toxic relationship. As I said before, there\u2019s nothing wrong with budgeting together, and there\u2019s certainly nothing wrong with having an allowance, but you and your partner should be working through it- and following the same rules- together.  4. Your partner doesn\u2019t let you access joint accounts. If you and your partner have a joint account, that account belongs to both of you, which means you need equal access to both the account and the statements. A joint account may not be the right arrangement for every couple, but if you do have a joint account, both of you should be able to check it at any time. And if you and your partner don\u2019t want to manage your finances in that way, you might want to consider replacing any joint accounts with separate accounts to avoid unnecessary friction.  As I noted before, there are downsides to having separate accounts, and you definitely shouldn\u2019t have separate accounts to avoid money discussions altogether- that might be another sign of a financially toxic relationship. Overall, separate accounts may be better for some couples, but they shouldn\u2019t be used to avoid arguments. And if you decide that a joint account is a better fit for your relationship, you should both have equal control over that account.  5. You constantly feel the need to explain your spending. It\u2019s not a bad thing to hold each other accountable for spending, but you shouldn\u2019t feel pressure to come up with an excuse whenever you spend money. On the other hand, neither should you be spending on whatever you want regardless of how your spending affects your partner. Instead, you and your partner need to strike a balance between both extremes by setting clear rules and boundaries that work for both of you.  If you\u2019re on track with the budget that you and your partner set together and still feel that they\u2019re making you justify your spending, though, it may be a sign that you\u2019re in a financially unhealthy relationship.  6. Your partner talks about \u201ctheir money\u201d. Regardless of your account type, when you\u2019re in a committed relationship, your money and assets in some sense belong to both you and your partner. For example, if you live in a home your partner owned before you met, they may be original owners, but they shouldn\u2019t use that as leverage when it comes to talking about money.  If your partner frequently describes money or other assets as \u201ctheirs\u201d in an attempt to maintain power over you or make you second-guess your spendings, you probably need to have a serious discussion about your finances. While it\u2019s fine to have money in separate accounts, that arrangement shouldn\u2019t turn into a clear-cut division of money and control.  Similarly, there\u2019s nothing wrong with having conversations about limiting your spending, but your partner shouldn\u2019t be making you feel guilty for spending \u201ctheir money\u201d as if they have sole control of your finances.  If you see any of these red flags, you may be in a financially toxic relationship. If this is the case and you choose to stay in the relationship, you need to have a serious conversation with your partner so that you can solve the financial problems in your relationship in a way that works for both of you.","image":"https:\/\/moneydoneright.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/financial-abuse.jpg","description":"This article is about financial abuse.","headline":"6 Ways to Know If You're in a Financially Toxic Relationship","name":"Financial Abuse Article","dateModified":"2022-08-13","publisher":{"@type":"Organization","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https:\/\/moneydoneright.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Money-Done-Right-Personal-Finance-and-Investing-Blog.png","name":"Money Done Right Logo","height":"488","width":"60","@id":"https:\/\/moneydoneright.com\/#ImageObject"},"address":{"@type":"PostalAddress","name":"Money Done Right Address","addressCountry":"United States","addressLocality":"Valencia","addressRegion":"California","postalCode":"91354","streetAddress":"23890 Copper Hill Dr Ste 139","@id":"https:\/\/moneydoneright.com\/#PostalAddress"},"url":"https:\/\/moneydoneright.com\/","publishingPrinciples":"https:\/\/moneydoneright.com\/methodology\/","additionalType":"Blog","name":"Money Done Right","email":"support@moneydoneright.com","sameAs":["https:\/\/twitter.com\/moneydoneright","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/moneydoneright\/","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/moneydoneright\/","https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/company\/money-done-right\/","https:\/\/www.pinterest.com\/moneydoneright\/","https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/c\/MoneyDoneRight"],"foundingLocation":"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Santa_Clarita,_California","legalName":"Allec Media LLC","naics":"519130","parentOrganization":"https:\/\/moneydoneright.com\/#ParentOrganization","founder":{"@type":"Person","hasCredential":["https:\/\/cslainstitute.org\/","https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Certified_Public_Accountant"],"url":"https:\/\/moneydoneright.com\/author\/logan-allec\/","spouse":"https:\/\/moneydoneright.com\/author\/caroline-allec\/","image":"https:\/\/moneydoneright.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/Logan-Allec-Money-Done-Right.jpg","name":"Logan Allec","description":"Logan Allec is a practicing Certified Public Accountant, Certified Student Loan Professional, and the founder of personal finance blog Money Done Right.  He provides a second level of review for the site\u2019s more technical articles, particularly those pertaining to taxation, credit, and student loans. He also educates thousands of people every week on The Money Done Right Show.","email":"logan.allec@moneydoneright.com","sameAs":["https:\/\/loganallec.com\/","https:\/\/twitter.com\/loganallec","https:\/\/www.benzinga.com\/author\/logan-allec","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/logan.allec","https:\/\/www.fareverse.com\/writer\/logan-allec-cpa-freelance-writer\/","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/loganallec\/","https:\/\/www.legalzoom.com\/author\/logan-allec","https:\/\/www.rent.com\/blog\/author\/logan-allec\/","https:\/\/www.thebalance.com\/logan-allec-5192331","https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/channel\/UC3Jg7eUCBPsjX13X7kTW1hQ"],"familyName":"Allec","givenName":"Logan","birthDate":"1988-08-04","birthPlace":"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Anaheim,_California","alumniOf":["http:\/\/www.ucla.edu\/","https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Ernst_%26_Young","https:\/\/www.usc.edu\/"],"gender":"Male","jobTitle":"Founder","nationality":"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Americans","worksFor":{"@id":"https:\/\/moneydoneright.com\/#Organization"},"@id":"https:\/\/moneydoneright.com\/author\/logan-allec\/"},"@id":"https:\/\/moneydoneright.com\/#Organization"},"author":{"@id":"https:\/\/moneydoneright.com\/author\/logan-allec\/"},"mainEntityOfPage":"https:\/\/moneydoneright.com\/personal-finance\/building-wealth\/financial-abuse\/","@id":"https:\/\/moneydoneright.com\/personal-finance\/building-wealth\/financial-abuse\/#Article"},{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BreadcrumbList","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Personal Finance","item":"https:\/\/moneydoneright.com\/personal-finance\/#breadcrumbitem"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Building Wealth","item":"https:\/\/moneydoneright.com\/personal-finance\/\/building-wealth\/#breadcrumbitem"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"6 Ways to Know If You’re in a Financially Toxic Relationship","item":"https:\/\/moneydoneright.com\/personal-finance\/building-wealth\/financial-abuse\/#breadcrumbitem"}]}]